Sunday, October 4, 2009

If I allow myself to sink there, to fall down the rabbit hole of "working mother's guilt", I probably won't be able to get back up. When he was a baby I listened to all sorts of snarly mothers on message boards and in person, who would berate other mother's choices. Sometimes I was that berating mother. I didn't work until Xander was almost two. I tried once when he was 14 months and it was terrible. He contracted rota virus his first week at daycare and I didn't go back and neither did he. I felt guilty that I wasn't contributing to the family income, and now I feel bad that I'm not spending all day with Xander like I used to.

This is probably the most "mommyblog" you'll find me on here. Ever. I have no epiphany today, as today is Sunday; that most bittersweet of all days of the week for me. Before I had children I never thought of the women I worked with who had their own children as less than stellar mothers. Why do I see myself that way?



Anonymous said...

I am so right there right now. Christine has started Kindergarten and is now bringing home papers for field trips. As a teacher, I feel I can't ever miss really do talk about those teachers who miss school regularly, as do their parents. I have to miss so often for lame curriculum work that they make us do during the day...I did one of those today. I need to take a personal day and be a chaperone. I see those moms who get to help out and I am saddened. I want to do that, be there for her. Not all of the time but sometimes. I feel that David is growing so quickly already and I almost painfully loathe those who can stay home with their little ones...we truly can't afford it. I am so jealous of those women. I feel guilty and terrible about it. I try not to think of it as I will bawl. I resent often that I am the breadwinner. I totally understand you, Chrissy as I am there myself.

Anonymous said...

when I said I want to be there "not all of the time" I mean that, now that she's started school, I have no desire to be in her classroom all of the time.