Friday, April 2, 2010

Due Dilligence

If I'm going to rise up (while sitting) I'm going to have to start tomorrow. Those messages that have grown louder throughout the year, those messages saying "use it" and "write it down" won't be quiet - like some sort of p.s.d. for creative types. I go on and on about jumping into the deep end and taking chances. I also fully realize that I am quite the chickenshit (or have been up until now) in so many instances, and the time for fessing up and doing more than dipping my toes in the pool (however lukewarm) is NOW.

Xander said yesterday that "All babies start as circles", and I went on to explain how cells work in the simplest way I knew. Which is the only way I really know. He nodded his five-year-old baby chick head (it's the color of a baby chick) and looked at me with those borderline zealot eyes (his eyes are certainly intense for a five-year old) and I knew that he understood me. I could tell he knew that I understood him. I hope he always knows that.

So how to give due diligence to this amazing situation that I've been given? How to make this short spin so much more than an episode of True Life: I'm an Angsty Recovering Addict who Claims to Have All the Answers but Would Love to Just Sit Here and Look at Sephora All Day?

I'm not sure. But I know I'm supposed to start tomorrow. It's midnight, you know.

Once I stop praying
after I get the message
that all will be fine

I seem to click back
after leaving the dais
to my former state

of pacing the floor
and biting my wet knuckles
and doubting my voice

Should it end right now?
Can I strangle rhetoric?
I'm a pacifist.

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