Thursday, April 2, 2009

The shadows of rumblings, thoughts, the usual suspects.

Gary in Galena. There's no cell phone reception there and he's sleeping in an abandoned Air Force barracks. By. Himself. Poor darling. He'll return Sunday.

Danced with Xander to Gobbledigook and pretended we were Peter Pan & could fly. Took a walk to gather stuff for the Nature Table (which is really his window sill)...since we're in what the sourdoughs call "Breakup" the twigs, leaves, fir needles, dead Queen Anne's lace, and rocks are covered in both the usual soot as well as a faint layer of volcanic ash.

I feel bad about losing my temper about him taking some Tylenol...but I knew that his leg would hurt all night, he'd started complaining...I threw the half dissolved tablet away and put the liquid dose to his mouth. He, as usual, gagged, shut his mouth firmly...he finally did take it really of his own accord, after I told him that the alternative was to go to the doctor's office...after he took it he looked at me and gave me a big giant hug...said he was sorry, I apologized, too. Four has been rough. Very rough. We're getting better, though. I miss my husband. The three of us have this fierce love for one another....there is a fly in here. How in the hell did a fly get in here? Flies live in Alaska during the frozen months? The thing is driving me kookoo. And not for cocoa puffs.

I need some friends up here. Yes, our dear old friends are up here...but sadly, we're finding that we don't see each other very much after living in their home for two months. I feel so blue, needing a doppleganger. We've joined a beautiful church filled with peaceful souls...there are probably kindreds in there...they'll find us or we'll find them soon. This crippling shyness!

Missing my mom & dad. I've found I call them all the time, something I never did in Tennessee, even though we lived apart there...

The fly is in my big giant World Market china globe light fixture I put up in the foyer. A leftover from the last film Gary worked on in Tennessee. The film that when I think of it, I think of him driving us around in the now sold (thank God!) briefly ours Tennessee down, heat pouring in...back roads of parched land. So many hills and curves Xander would be asleep before we'd driven a mile. Lonesome. And don't even ask me about the Smokies...I'm living in mountains now, but I haven't yet fully made their acquaintance yet. I didn't get married in them. I did not take my infant son to their waters. I didn't clean up their creek beds and feel the spirits of old settlers. These mountains are magnificent here, but they're not mine, yet. Dear, sweet, rich, green Smokies...why can't I quit you?

Getting blue now, not a good idea to write sadness this late at dreams are bound to suck.

P.S. I'm a HUGE fan of Big Mama -- but this is my first participation in her Fashion Friday linkage. So, here's some fashion: Found a 100% cashmere sweater (Banana Republic!) for $3.00 at the thrift shop today. Also found a pair of Old Navy pants with the TAGS still on for $9.00 in my size! After shedding my dress for sweat and humidity-wear I've been so glad to find lovelier things up here at the thrift shops. And it's all for a good cause. Me looking slightly fabulous. No, no I kid! My favorite is the SPCA one on Int'l Airport. Because there are kittens.

xoxo, y'all.


The Stain Family said...

I love a good deal. In fact my vehicle is "trained" to turn into the parking lot of our local thrift store. I was driving by it the other day and before I realized it, there I sat waiting on traffic to pass so I could turn in...but I wasn't going there that day! It cracked me up.

Lazy Mom Leslie said...

Love a cashmere sweater! Hope the blues pass you by quickly.

Karen Travels said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! Welcome to Alaska!! I know exactly how it feels to not know anyone up here!

Erin said...

I wish the physical distance between us wasn't so far.. too bad we can't really fly like Peter Pan or I would be there in a minute. :) I hope you are able to break through your shyness and find some kindred souls soon. Flies annoy me too. I'm happy you found some fabulously thrifty clothes. :)