If I'm going to rise up (while sitting) I'm going to have to start tomorrow. Those messages that have grown louder throughout the year, those messages saying "use it" and "write it down" won't be quiet - like some sort of p.s.d. for creative types. I go on and on about jumping into the deep end and taking chances. I also fully realize that I am quite the chickenshit (or have been up until now) in so many instances, and the time for fessing up and doing more than dipping my toes in the pool (however lukewarm) is NOW.
Xander said yesterday that "All babies start as circles", and I went on to explain how cells work in the simplest way I knew. Which is the only way I really know. He nodded his five-year-old baby chick head (it's the color of a baby chick) and looked at me with those borderline zealot eyes (his eyes are certainly intense for a five-year old) and I knew that he understood me. I could tell he knew that I understood him. I hope he always knows that.
So how to give due diligence to this amazing situation that I've been given? How to make this short spin so much more than an episode of True Life: I'm an Angsty Recovering Addict who Claims to Have All the Answers but Would Love to Just Sit Here and Look at Sephora All Day?
I'm not sure. But I know I'm supposed to start tomorrow. It's midnight, you know.
Once I stop praying
after I get the message
that all will be fine
I seem to click back
after leaving the dais
to my former state
of pacing the floor
and biting my wet knuckles
and doubting my voice
Should it end right now?
Can I strangle rhetoric?
I'm a pacifist.
Showing posts with label can you tell I'm Unitarian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label can you tell I'm Unitarian. Show all posts
Friday, April 2, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
On Horoscopes
I love Running With Scissors. I love anything Augusten Burroughs churns out. I'd shell out 12.99 to purchase and read his grocery lists, put into a monosyllabic Excel spreadsheet. I would.
I learned a little trick from the insane Dr. Finch from Running With Scissors, called Bible Dipping, explained as such on the vaguely interesting Urban Dictionary as:
To Bible dip is to ask God a question about anything, then open the Bible to any page and point at a random word with your eyes shut. After your word is looked at by someone else you open your eyes and translate what the word means in relationship to your question.
"Hey mom, should we have fish sticks for dinner?"
"I don't know, let's do a Bible Dip."
*Does Bible dip*
"It says Awakening, as in awakening your taste buds, which therefore means we should have fish sticks for dinner."
I don't consult the Bible to decide what's for dinner, but occasionally I will use this slightly silly trick to answer more weighty questions, such as THE ONES ON MY MIND LATELY (or everything that's on my mind lately). It's fun and comforting, like spinning a globe when you're a kid to see where you'll live when you grow up.
Here's a haiku related to the globespin:
Spin
We hop onto planes
spin blue globes and point fingers
to new apartments
The last time I did one of these bible dips, my mind was hopping like a bucket of crickets in July. Spring, spring, springing from one troublesome thought to another. With a bit of a laugh I walked over to the bookshelf and pulled the Bible out, opened it, and jabbed my finger to a passage. I don't actually use the "word" technique, I just read whatever passage it comes to and try to read it with an ounce of the academic, a trace of mysticism, and a bunch of casual curiosity. The passage was the one in Matthew - the first book of the Gospel when the astrologers ask where the baby is, the baby that was born that will be the King of the Jews...
"After his birth astrologers from the east arrived in Jerusalem, asking, "Where is the child who is born to be king of the Jews? We observed the rising of his star, and we have come to pay him homage." Matthew - 2.2
I think I've mentioned before that I look at around six or seven different astrology columns daily - checking my horoscope, my husband's, my son's (which is the same as mine, Aquarius). It's a casual pastime, a little treat in my morning. Sometimes bits of advice or resonance knock my socks off, and others I roll my eyes and say, "That could be about anything! About anyone". But like I've said, sometimes big clues to my path and the Universe's plan for me/us have sailed out and looked at me square in the face. If astrologers saw in the stars that someone as historically and spiritually important as Jesus Christ was born, then I think the stars can tell me whether or not we should stay in Alaska or move back to Tennessee (there - there's the Big Decision we've been mulling over).
So I'll continue looking up to the stars (while I can still see them - it's getting lighter and lighter up here in Alaska!) for the answers. Everything is connected, everything is a message (though it might not be for me, or you, it could be for someone else entirely - that scrap of paper you find on the ground next to your car coming out of the coffeeshop with the words "Bacon, milk, apples" might have deep personal meaning to someone. It could be a message for them to open up that Bacon Milk and Apples restaurant they've always dreamed about, or to buy that apple orchard/farm to raise pigs and cows that they've been mulling over for the past twenty years. Occasionally I'll hear these whispers of truth in music, lately they've been "sail, go, fly"...
Now I'm sure there's a biological and psychological explanation for all of these occurrences. Neurons picking up on what our subconscious wants to hear. While I find the study of psychology and biology fascinating and true and important - it's a little dry. I love the unexplained. I don't want to explain it. I think these little clues are gifts - I don't care how they came about.
Case in point, my Free Will Astrology for this week:
Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires. Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.
I learned a little trick from the insane Dr. Finch from Running With Scissors, called Bible Dipping, explained as such on the vaguely interesting Urban Dictionary as:
To Bible dip is to ask God a question about anything, then open the Bible to any page and point at a random word with your eyes shut. After your word is looked at by someone else you open your eyes and translate what the word means in relationship to your question.
"Hey mom, should we have fish sticks for dinner?"
"I don't know, let's do a Bible Dip."
*Does Bible dip*
"It says Awakening, as in awakening your taste buds, which therefore means we should have fish sticks for dinner."
I don't consult the Bible to decide what's for dinner, but occasionally I will use this slightly silly trick to answer more weighty questions, such as THE ONES ON MY MIND LATELY (or everything that's on my mind lately). It's fun and comforting, like spinning a globe when you're a kid to see where you'll live when you grow up.
Here's a haiku related to the globespin:
Spin
We hop onto planes
spin blue globes and point fingers
to new apartments
The last time I did one of these bible dips, my mind was hopping like a bucket of crickets in July. Spring, spring, springing from one troublesome thought to another. With a bit of a laugh I walked over to the bookshelf and pulled the Bible out, opened it, and jabbed my finger to a passage. I don't actually use the "word" technique, I just read whatever passage it comes to and try to read it with an ounce of the academic, a trace of mysticism, and a bunch of casual curiosity. The passage was the one in Matthew - the first book of the Gospel when the astrologers ask where the baby is, the baby that was born that will be the King of the Jews...
"After his birth astrologers from the east arrived in Jerusalem, asking, "Where is the child who is born to be king of the Jews? We observed the rising of his star, and we have come to pay him homage." Matthew - 2.2
I think I've mentioned before that I look at around six or seven different astrology columns daily - checking my horoscope, my husband's, my son's (which is the same as mine, Aquarius). It's a casual pastime, a little treat in my morning. Sometimes bits of advice or resonance knock my socks off, and others I roll my eyes and say, "That could be about anything! About anyone". But like I've said, sometimes big clues to my path and the Universe's plan for me/us have sailed out and looked at me square in the face. If astrologers saw in the stars that someone as historically and spiritually important as Jesus Christ was born, then I think the stars can tell me whether or not we should stay in Alaska or move back to Tennessee (there - there's the Big Decision we've been mulling over).
So I'll continue looking up to the stars (while I can still see them - it's getting lighter and lighter up here in Alaska!) for the answers. Everything is connected, everything is a message (though it might not be for me, or you, it could be for someone else entirely - that scrap of paper you find on the ground next to your car coming out of the coffeeshop with the words "Bacon, milk, apples" might have deep personal meaning to someone. It could be a message for them to open up that Bacon Milk and Apples restaurant they've always dreamed about, or to buy that apple orchard/farm to raise pigs and cows that they've been mulling over for the past twenty years. Occasionally I'll hear these whispers of truth in music, lately they've been "sail, go, fly"...
Now I'm sure there's a biological and psychological explanation for all of these occurrences. Neurons picking up on what our subconscious wants to hear. While I find the study of psychology and biology fascinating and true and important - it's a little dry. I love the unexplained. I don't want to explain it. I think these little clues are gifts - I don't care how they came about.
Case in point, my Free Will Astrology for this week:
Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires. Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.
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